your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
