If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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