That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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