Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
