he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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