Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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