The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
