I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
