dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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