He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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