doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
