I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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