did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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