You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
