you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
