I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
