I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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