too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
