There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
