he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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