Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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