is your mom at the bar?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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