I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
