on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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