I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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