can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
