I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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