They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
