My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
