We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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