my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
