You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
