So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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