Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
