He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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