Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
