I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
