Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
MIDGETS
????
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
