Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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