1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
