I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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