dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
