tell your sister to shave her snatch
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
