If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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