just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
