I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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