Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
