K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
