anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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