Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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