somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
how drunk are you?
Several
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