Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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