Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
