32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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