what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
