I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
