I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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