Welp...herpes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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