Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
