i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
